Shifting Our Perspective: From What’s Wrong? to What Happened?

One of the greatest lesson i have lately learn is that when someone hurts us or acts unkindly, we often ask, “What’s wrong with you?” or even, “What’s wrong with me?” While these questions are common, they may not lead us to the real reasons behind the behavior. A better question to ask might be, “What happened to you?” or “What happened to me?”

Why This Matters

People’s actions, whether kind or hurtful, are often influenced by their past experiences. Unkind behavior usually stems from unresolved pain or trauma. By asking, “What happened to you?” we aim to understand the root cause of the behavior instead of just reacting to the surface issue.

Promoting Understanding and Healing

When we ask someone who has hurt us what happened to them, we open the door to understanding and empathy. This question shows that we recognize their actions might be linked to deeper issues, providing an opportunity for them to reflect on their past and identify areas in need of healing.

Reflecting on Our Own Actions

When we hurt someone else, asking ourselves, “What happened to me?” can help us understand our own behavior. It encourages us to look inward and see if unresolved pain is influencing our actions. This self-reflection is crucial for personal growth and healing.

Creating a Culture of Empathy

Shifting from “What’s wrong?” to “What happened?” helps create a culture of empathy and understanding. It encourages open conversations and emotional healing for both parties involved.

Steps to Take

1. Practice Empathy: Try to understand others’ behavior by considering their past experiences. This doesn’t excuse their actions but provides context.
2. Self-Reflect: When you hurt someone, think about your own past. Identify any unresolved issues that might be influencing your behavior.
3. Communicate Openly: Encourage honest conversations about past experiences and their impact on present behavior.
4. Seek Help if Needed: If past traumas are significantly affecting your behavior, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor.

Changing our question from “What’s wrong?” to “What happened?” can transform our relationships and promote healing. This shift in perspective helps us move from blame to understanding and from judgment to empathy, leading to deeper connections and a more compassionate world.